In the introduction to this week’s Torah reading (Parshas Mattos), Rabbeinu Bachaya (a 13th century Spanish rabbi who wrote a famous commentary on the Torah) tells us about the importance of having peace of mind and patience of mind.
He tells us that most people are frequently upset, and when people are upset they often make inappropriate and unproductive decisions.
When we first read his words, we may be taken aback. Is it really true that most people are frequently upset. We know that from time to time we have a bad day or a bad experience and we are upset. We know that others are the same way, but we probably wouldn’t think of ourselves as being people who are frequently upset. We all know of someone in our lives who comes to our minds who we would think of as being someone who is frequently upset. But, we would think of them as being the outlier, they are the exception, not the rule. What does he mean that most people are frequently upset?
However, many of us would probably admit that we frequently feel frustrated, annoyed, irritated, bothered, or resentful. Throughout each of our days we can frequently find ourselves feeling in these ways. Sometimes the feeling is strong and sometimes its not, but it is frequently there. There are many things in our lives that don’t seem to be going our way and we can easily get upset when that happens.
The feelings of frustration, annoyance, irritation, and resentment are all forms of anger. When Rabbeinu Bachaya says that people are frequently angry he may not mean that we have raging hatred all of the time, however we do feel some form of anger on a frequent basis.
Rabbeinu Bachaya is apparently telling us that we should be aware of the fact that any form of anger that we have makes us vulnerable to making irrational and inappropriate decisions. Our frustration, annoyance, irritation, and resentment can easily cause us to make decisions that are not in line with our overall best interests.
The Mesilas Yesharim (chapter 11) tells us that when we are upset, we have a constant feeling of being unsettled, and we are constantly searching for freedom from that feeling. In that state of mind, we imagine solutions to the problem that are not proper and not productive. For example, when we are upset because someone has hurt us, we tend to think that if we take revenge against them, it will solve our problem. The reality is that revenge is a terrible sin, and it usually doesn’t actually solve our problems, it usually actually makes them worse.
It is important for us to be aware of our feelings and to recognize that we often don’t have peace of mind. There are often many things that cause us to be unhappy and upset. There is often something about a family member that is irritating us, there is something about our job that is irritating us. There are people in our lives who are making decisions that affect us in a negative manner, and there are many things in the national and international news that are constantly upsetting to us. If we are not careful, it is easy for us to fall into this trap of living our lives in this state of unhappiness. Aside from the lack of peace of mind that it creates for us, it also leads us to saying the wrong things and acting in inappropriate ways.
Achieving peace of mind is a difficult task. The foundation of peace of mind is based on faith and trust in Hashem. Only when we have a full recognition of the reality that Hashem controls everything and everything that He does is for our best interest, then we will be able to achieve true peace of mind. Every experience that we face in this world was specifically designed by Hashem for the sole purpose of giving us an opportunity to achieve higher spiritual heights (which is the whole purpose of our existence in this world).
We often think that we are justified in having feelings of criticism toward people who are annoying to us. We often see them as bad people and we are not only entitled to be upset, it is actually appropriate to be upset at them. However,  the reality is that even though we should distinguish right from wrong, and we shouldn’t be uneducated about the problems in the world around us, it doesn’t justify anger and hatred.
Our job is to do the best that we can to bring ourselves and others toward serving Hashem and to acting in a moral and appropriate manner. However, there is no benefit to being angry, frustrated, irritated, and annoyed. We shouldn’t spend our whole day complaining about others and criticizing others. It is unhelpful, inappropriate, and unproductive.
Our job is to do our best to make the appropriate changes in ourselves and we should do our best to educate and inspire others to change as well.
When we see the problems in the world around us we should follow our great role models such as Avraham Avinu. He saw that the world was corrupt and he saw that the world was confused. They believes in pagan God’s and they were not living with the recognition of Hashem and Hashem’s moral directives. Avraham recognized that this was not the way that the world was supposed to be. It was an insult to the honor of God and it was bad for the people to live their lives without the true recognition of their elevated God given purpose. Avraham tirelessly worked his whole life to educate and inspire others to serve Hashem and to improve themselves.
Let us follow Avraham’s path and focus on channeling our emotions in a positive and productive manner. We will have inner peace and we will lead our lives with dignity, purpose, and value.