It is so helpful to us to be honest with ourselves in so many ways. Yet, it is often difficult for us to do so.
In Parshas Beha’alosecha, the Torah relates to us the following story. Hashem had taken the B'nei Yisroel out of Egypt in a miraculous manner. Hashem had stopped the slavery in Egypt and He saved us from our enemies. Hashem had given food, water, and shelter for millions of us in a barren desert! Hashem spoke to us directly on Har Sinai and He gave us the Torah. Hashem also chose us to be His treasured nation.
A short time later there was the grave sin of the golden calf which was followed by a massive teshuva movement and the building of the Mishkan.
Following these events, the Torah tells us (Bamidbar, Chapter 11) that soon after all of these miraculous events some of the Jewish people complained about the terrible conditions that they had in the desert. The Sforno explains that initially they were complaining about the hardship of the road and then they complained about their food situation. They said that they didn’t like the manna and that they didn’t have meat.
Rashi and the Sforno point out that the reality was actually very different than what they were saying. The road wasn’t actually so difficult for them and they actually had a lot of meat. They left Egypt with flocks of sheep, and throughout their stay in the desert they always had much livestock. They entered Eretz Yisroel with so many animals that they actually took up too much space (as the Bnei Gad and Bnei Reuven mentioned).
Rashi explains that the reason that they were complaining was not actually because they didn’t have meat. Rather, the complaint was being used as an excuse to justify their intended behavior. They had just been given a lot of responsibility. Hashem had just given them the mitzvos. On one hand, they accepted the Torah with open arms as they said Naaseh Venishma (we are ready to accept the entire Torah). However, at the same time, some of them were overwhelmed by the responsibility of the mitzvos, and they were trying to find an excuse to throw away some of their responsibilities.
Hashem had done so much good for the Jewish people and they naturally felt responsible to fulfill all of the mitzvos. However, they didn’t want to keep all of the mitzvos and they needed to find a way to excuse their intended behavior. Therefore, they convinced themselves that Hashem wasn’t so good and therefore they wouldn’t feel responsible to follow the mitzvos.
Some of the Jewish people even complained about the fact that Hashem took us out of Egypt. They even said that their stay in Mitzraim was more enjoyable than their experience in the desert. They referred to the delicacies that they had in Egypt.
They were obviously not in touch with the obvious reality of what happened in Egypt. The clear facts were that they were tortured as slaves and they didn’t have good food to eat. Their experience in the desert was actually a paradise. Hashem took care of all of their needs in a royal manner! How could they have been so out of touch?
Apparently, when we have an agenda, we create a reality in our mind that supports our agenda. They wanted to minimize their minds how much that they were responsible to listen to Hashem’s commandments. To do so, they needed to convince themselves that Hashem didn’t do such a great favor for them when He took them out of Egypt. Therefore, they created a narrative in their mind that supported what they wanted to believe. They told themselves that the reality was better in Egypt.
It is alarming to know that our minds can be slaves to our agenda. We often believe what we want to believe. We often don’t even know what is true and what isn’t. The narrative that we tell ourselves becomes our reality and it guides our lives. This tells us that our agendas can be guiding and controlling our lives!
The good news is that we do have the ability to get to the truth if we want to. We need to really want the truth and then we have to find the path to pursuing it. (Reb Yisroel letter 4). Hashem should guide all of us to recognize the truth and to live by the truth throughout our lives.